On the 12 of May 3 years ago i received a call from my sister in Germany that my mother is in a coma. I just spoke with my mom a few days before that, she had some breathing problems and wasn't feeling to good. The Dr was called to the house the night before i spoke with her and he wanted to admit her to the hospital but my mother thought he was full of it and she was fine. In hindsight she should have gone but my mother was never good at looking after herself. She was a heavy smoker (she had asthma and allergies)and drank to much, although she did survive breast cancer and a not so stellar childhood . My grandfather was abusive and a drinker himself. My Mother had a quick temper and an even quicker hand , but in spite of all this (and much more) i know she loved us and we loved her. She just didn't have the tools to deal with a lot of things life handed her.
When i saw her lying there with all those tubes coming out of her and breathing with the aid off a machine all i wanted was for it to be over quickly. She was always terrified of suffocating and i knew she didn't want this.
My Sister spoke to her and held her hand whenever we went for a visit. They told us that she was effectively brain dead but one never knows and i like to think that she knew we where there. As for myself i think i was not there mentally, i just buried my Son a few weeks before that and i felt nothing, i think it was just to much for my brain to deal with .She final passed on the 23th and we where with her thank goodness.
There are still days that i find it hard to believe that she is gone. Some days you just want your Mother and even though ours wasn't an easy relationship i miss her dearly.
8 comments:
Oh, I know how you feel. We can never have another mother and no matter how they may have treated us, we still loved them. Forgiveness took me awhile, but finally it came, but we had lost so many years...and as much as I tried, she never really warmed up to me. But I loved her, and this past Mother's Day, I cried for her. I sat like a child saying, "I want my mommy." Your mom knows you were there. She knows how much you loved her.
Mary
How hard that must have been for you to suffer two major losses so close together. How cruelly hard.
I can imagine that you mind and emotions were with the death of your son. How tough for you to have to deal with this too. It sounds like she was a difficult woman to love, but you did in spite of it.
That must have been such a hard time for you, and I cannot begin to imagine how you felt. My own mother died many years ago, and although I did as much as I could for her, never felt it was enough. But I still sometimes think "Oh, I must tell Mum that"!
My sister lost her son two years ago, and as she says, you never get over it, you just learn to cope.
My thoughts are with you, and I send a virtual hug ((((you))))
Reaching out to (((hug))) you.
Rest your head on my shoulder.
Feel my presense with you if you will allow me in. A.Patricia
wish i was there to give you a big ole texas hug.
Hi. I'm so sorry you lost two very beloved people in such a short period of time. I can guess at your numbness by that hospital bed. I think it's our brains way of protecting us when we suffer such losses. It only lets us feel the pain bit by bit, as much as we can cope with at a time. That's why grieving takes so long.
I had a none too easy relationship with my own mother, but grieved her very heavily for 5 years. It's now 18 years since her death on May 9th.
I'm sure she is with you, always.
(((HUGS)))
Bearfriend xx
So sorry to hear this. A mother takes such a special place, because she was there at our own beginning. Just take one day at a time, dear Friend!
(Feelings come for many after the first month...). If I can help you or answer something you're wondering about in the grieving process, please write!
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